No. 6 of 100 · Family
Should I have children?
It is one of the few decisions that can't be undone, and it's surrounded by pressure from family, culture, a partner and the clock. Many people feel they should already know, and feel broken because they don't.
The Oracle's verdict
Have children if you want the relationship with a child, not just the idea of a family or relief from others' expectations. Not wanting children is a complete and legitimate answer, and research does not show childfree people are less happy.
Ambivalence is normal and not, on its own, an answer either way. Separate the fears that are about readiness (money, timing, your relationship), which can change, from the fears about the life itself, which usually don't.
Your version of this question is different. Ask the Oracle.
Consult the OracleImagine both futures at seventy in detail, the ordinary days rather than the highlights. Notice which loss feels heavier. That is your most honest signal.
The path
- Today
- Write two lists: reasons that are yours, and reasons that come from other people.
- This week
- Spend real time with children, or talk honestly with a parent and a childfree person about their actual days.
- This month
- Have one unhurried conversation with your partner focused only on what each of you wants, not what you expect.
The Socratic path
If you'd rather find your own answer, sit with these:
- "If no one would ever ask or judge, what would you choose?"
- "Which regret could you live with more easily?"
- "Is the question 'should I' or 'can I'?"